


For Tears Will Fill My Eyes

by SunflowerSpideyy



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [4]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Near Death Experiences, Peter Parker Calls Tony Stark "Dad", Protective Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29205393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunflowerSpideyy/pseuds/SunflowerSpideyy
Summary: Tony and Peter survive the snap and make it back from Titan, only to find that the rest of their family hasn't been so lucky. With the snap claiming some of Earth's best defenders, and an Avenger's level threat hits New York- Peter knows he has to step up and defend the city, but he doesn't quite expect the mission to go so wrong.Febuwhump Day 4 Alt Prompt: "I can't lose you too"
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139171
Comments: 13
Kudos: 117





	For Tears Will Fill My Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! 
> 
> Like I said last time, we're back to the angst for this one- I hope you guys enjoy! 
> 
> Content Warning/ CW // For: Grief, panic attacks, mild language, and a near death experience
> 
> As always, make sure to leave a comment if I missed anything you would like me to mention at the start!

The Benatar shook as Carol finally lowered it to the grass, Tony stumbling as the ship pitched to the side, and he probably would've hit the ground had he not been able to steady himself against the wall.. 

Nebula almost took a step forward, but Peter held up a hand to stop her, shifting so that Tony’s arm was around his shoulders. “It’s ok Ms. Nebula,” Peter assured before looking up at Tony, an encouraging smile on his face. "See Mr. Stark, told you it'd be alright,"

Somehow the kid still had the light in his eyes- that energy that was so distinctly _ Peter _ \- even when they were staring down certain death, and Tony knew he would've given up all hope without it.

The ramp hissed as it lowered to the grass, and Peter took a step forward, supporting Tony’s weight as they walked down the ramp.

_ Because of course it was Peter. _

Of course the kid was the one at his side, still standing tall, even though Tony could feel Peter's malnourished muscles shaking slightly due to the strain.

Steve was at the bottom of the ramp, his expression somewhere between relief and shock, taking a tentative step towards the pair. "Tony," he said softly, putting an arm around the man's back, taking the weight off of Peter.

"Somebody grab the kid," Tony murmured weakly, and Thor was immediately at Peter's side, mimicking Steve's actions.

It was only after he knew Peter was taken care of that he let his eyes scan over the lawn of the compound- seeing only Bruce and Natasha standing a few feet away, their faces pinched in concern. Something heavy settled on Tony's chest as Natasha stepped forward, tears welling in her eyes.

_ The only reason they wouldn't be here was if they were- _

"Please- please tell me I’m wrong," Tony begged, shaking his head in disbelief. "No, not them- Nat,  _ please _ ,"

"I'm sorry Tony," she murmured, as a broken sob left the man's lips. He pushed weakly at Steve- the grip the man had on his shoulders suddenly feeling suffocating.

Finally Steve let go, and Tony stumbled backwards, only managing to stand for a moment before his legs finally gave out beneath him. Peter darted forward with surprising speed, stopping Tony from collapsing to the ground and lowering them both slowly to kneel on the grass. "I'm sorry Mr. Stark, I'm so sorry," Peter said gently, unable to think of any better words- Tony's broken sobs scaring him more than facing the emptiness of space. "We're gonna figure this out, it's gonna be ok," he promised, echoing the assurances May had whispered to him after Ben. 

Eventually, Tony's sobs quieted, his hands going slack around the balled up fabric of Peter's jacket that he'd been holding so tightly. A jolt of fear ran down Peter’s spine as Tony fell against his shoulder deadweight, the panic only abating at the continued presence of the man’s strong heartbeat. 

Steve stepped closer again, and Peter shied away, knowing the last thing his mentor wanted was to be so close to the man who betrayed him. Still pointedly moving away from Steve, Peter tried to lift Tony up himself, a frustrated cry sounding in the back of his throat as he realized he wasn't strong enough.

"Hey, hey, I know- I know you want to be the one to help. But you're only going to hurt yourself little one," Thor said gently, kneeling down next to the teenager. "Let me help you, alright?" Peter nodded, deeming him safe, and carefully passed Tony over. 

Gritting his teeth, he stood up on his own, Natasha still hovering around him nervously as they made their way into the compound. Helen was standing at the med bay entrance, her hand flying over her mouth at the sight of the pair, immediately jumping into action and yelling instructions at her team. Once Tony was safely in a gurney and being wheeled down the hall, Peter collapsed like his strings had been cut, Natasha moving like lightning to catch him before he hit the floor.

"Hey, hey there, I got you- you're ok," she said, hoisting him up onto his own gurney.

"Did anyone come by named May Parker?" Peter asked softly, his head falling back against the pillow, finally feeling the true weight of his exhaustion.

"May Parker has been listed as one of the dusted," Friday answered, her voice tinged with sadness.

_ No. Not May- not her too. He can't- he can't handle this on his own, he can't do this without May.  _

A tear ran down Peter's cheek, as he closed his eyes, one small, broken sob leaving his lips before he finally succumbed to exhaustion.

******

For one blissful second, Tony's mind was still too disoriented to fully make out where he was- the events of the last week far from his mind as he blinked to clear the haze from his vision.

As soon as his eyes fell on Natasha, curled up in one of the chairs on the side of his bed, it all came rushing back in a wave, and Tony knew that would be the last moment of his life where he wasn't painfully,  _ viscerally _ aware of what he'd lost.

He'd never woken up without one of them by his side. And if it wasn't them it was-

_ Peter. _

The heart monitor skipped a beat as Tony's entire body tensed, his chest tightening in fear. His gaze snapped to the other side of the room, a shaky exhale rushing out as he saw Peter laying in the bed next to him, looking peaceful as he slept, the steady beep of the heart monitor being the best sound Tony's ever heard.

"I had Helen move him in here after she was done with her examinations- figured you'd want him close," Natasha spoke up, gently rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she sat up in the chair.

"Is he- what did Helen-" Tony asked, fear still sitting heavy on his chest. It was just the kind of trick the universe loved to play on him- let him keep the kid safe in space, only to lose him just as they were back in the safety of Earth.

"He fared a lot better than you, all things considered. Helen thinks something in his Spider DNA took over once his body realized the uh,  _ extreme situation, _ and started storing energy- which is why he had a little more strength when you guys landed. Obviously he's still malnourished, but he seems to be responding well to the nutrition solution Helen's giving him through the I.V. and when he was awake he managed to eat a decent breakfast, so- he's gonna pull through," 

Tony looked over at Peter, watching his chest rise and fall a few times, his heart finally relaxing at the sight.

"So I guess the cat's out of the bag now huh?" Tony commented, noticing how Natasha had mentioned Peter's DNA.

"Oh yeah- Steve almost blew a fuse when Helen told us, but he feels too guilty to yell at you right now, so you may have dodged a bullet there,"

"Small miracles," Tony said flatly, voice devoid of the usual joking tone. He looked over at Peter one more time, his stomach sinking with guilt as he realised someone else was missing. "Shit- oh my god,  _ May _ \- Nat please tell me the kid's Aunt made it,"

Once again, Natasha didn't even have to open her mouth for Tony to know the answer.

He punched his fist into the mattress with as much strength as he could muster, his eyes closing as a defeated sigh left his lips.

"Does he know?"

"Friday told him just before he passed out," Natasha replied, glancing over at Peter to make sure the kid was still asleep before continuing. "But he must have other relatives..."

"Nope," Tony said flatly. "Parents went down in a plane when he was a toddler, his Uncle Ben died in a mugging three years ago, and now May..."

_ "Jesus," _ Natasha said softly, her eyes once again flickering over to Peter, her heart sinking once she truly took in how young his features are.

"We're quite the team aren't we? The last ones left," Tony said, a humorless chuckle in his voice as his eyes drifted over to Peter.

"Tony, you know that's not t-"

"Isn't it? I'm really trying to let bygones be bygones here, but  _ you left. _ No matter how you look at it- no matter how you feel about it- You. Left. It was Pepper and Rhodey- they were all I had," his voice broke, and he stared up at the ceiling, a pinching feeling behind his eyes that always preceded tears. The pair fell into silence, the only sounds in the room were the soft beeping of the heart monitors. "And Happy?" He said finally, his eyes never leaving the space above the window frame.

"Listen, there's something I have to tell-"

Peter let out a tiny groan, instantly drawing Tony's gaze, the man sitting up taller so the teenager could see him better.

"Hey Roo, you with me?" He said softly, his tone turning gentle, and Peter's eyes slowly opened, staring at Tony for a long second before welling up with tears.

"Mr. Stark, a- are you ok?" Peter asked wetly, a tear slowly falling down his cheek.

" _ Oh cuore mio _ , I'm fine Petey, I'm ok," Tony assured, and Peter finally broke- finally allowing his own emotions to rush forth.

" _ May- Mr. Stark, she's _ -" He could barely force the words out, and Natasha stood up, quietly slipping out of the room.

"I know, I know Peter- god, I'm so sorry," Tony reached his arm across the space between the beds, Peter grabbing his hand almost immediately.

"What do I do now?"

Tony's heart ached at the words, tears forming in his own eyes.

_ I wish I knew. _

"We're going to figure it out Roo, I promise," Tony's arm started to tremble with the effort of keeping his arm elevated, and he finally had to pull his hand away, guilt stabbing his heart as Peter let out a small sob. He very nearly moved to get off the bed, but Tony held up a hand, and Peter froze- dropping back down on the pillow with a defeated sigh. "Oh Petey, I don't want to be all the way over here either- but it won't be good if you rip your I.V. out Roo. So I need you to stay there- just for a little bit. As soon as Helen comes in I'll ask her to push the beds together and then you can be my little spider-koala ok?" Peter nodded weakly just as the door opened, Helen's heels clicking on the tile. "Speak of the devil," Tony said, and Helen smiled at the pair.

"Natasha told me you two were awake," she said, glancing down at her tablet. "So, how're we feeling?"

"As good as we can be,"

******

True to his word, Tony had Helen lock the beds together after their exams were over, Peter immediately surging forward as soon as the railing that separated them was lifted away- his head landing in its usual place on Tony's chest, frowning at how he had almost gotten used to how his mentor's bones were so pronounced.

"Easy Peter," Helen said gently, but Tony didn't seem to mind, a fond look in his eyes as he rested his cheek against Peter's curls. The teenagers' sobs were back in full force, and Tony ran a comforting hand through his hair, the other rubbing up and down his back.

"I got you Roo, I got you. We're gonna be ok Petey, I promise,"

******

Peter was silent as he pushed Tony down the hall, darting forward to open the door to the master bedroom before coming back to push the wheelchair inside. Helen had tried to get him to stay in the med-bay a little longer, but Tony was Tony, and now here they were, back on the penthouse floor of the compound.

Peter didn't even want to acknowledge the fact that Pepper probably could've gotten him to stay.

But as it was, Peter was at least able to use his puppy dog eyes to get Tony to stick to the wheelchair, his legs still too weak to stand up for very long, despite everything he says.

Tony's face darkened as his eyes swept across the room, his hands starting to shake ever so slightly. "Thanks Petey," he said softly as the teenager came to a stop at the edge of the bed.

"Do you need anything else?" Peter asked gently, but Tony's eyes were locked on the other side of the room- imagining Pepper sitting on the futon as she went through her nightly routine, staring into the mirror as she gently rubbed lotion onto her cheeks. "Mr. Stark?" Peter tried again, his heart aching at the faraway look in Tony's eyes.

_ The sun wasn't even in the sky when Peter had snuck out of the med bay room, careful not to wake Tony as he snuck out into the hallway. Getting in the elevator, he pressed the button for the penthouse floor, Friday silently lighting up the living area as the doors slid open. Peter walked down the hall towards the master bedroom and pushed the door open, doing his best to push down the guilt that was settling hard in his stomach at invading Tony's privacy. _

_ Methodically, he moved around the room- taking down the outfit Pepper had hung against the wardrobe and sliding it off the hanger, folding the material carefully over his arm. Picking up the book she had left on the bedside table, the bookmark sitting three-quarters of the way through the pages. Taking down the note she had slipped under the frame around Tony's mirror, 'cake tasting 1:30PM' circled in red ink. Sweeping all the wedding planner magazines off her vanity, neon page markers sticking out the side. He'd carefully put everything in one of the empty boxes left over from the sweaters he'd ordered for May's birthday, sliding it to the back of his closet until they were able to bring all the dusted back. _

And now, seeing the despondent look on Tony's face, Peter can't imagine how much worse it would've been had the man seen the remnants of Pepper's life- proof her time had been cut short.

"No, I...I'm ok Roo, go get some sleep, alright?" Tony replied, bracing himself against the bed so he could stand up to give his kid a decent hug.

Peter had bounced back far quicker than he had- the teenager's cheeks no longer gaunt and hollow, though the sight of his kid slowly wasting away would haunt Tony's nightmares forever. It would be quite a few weeks before Peter would be back on patrol, but Helen had cleared him to walk on his own- and take care of Tony.

A part of him resented being the reason more responsibility landed on Peter's shoulders, for causing another instance where he was required to act far older than his years. But the selfish part of him didn't want Peter to leave his side, and he certainly didn't want to be so close to any member of his former 'team'. Not yet.

Of course, Peter never hesitated a moment, stepping up to care for Tony as if it was already a forgone conclusion- like there was never any doubt in the first place.

So Tony pressed a gentle kiss to Peter's forehead, thanking the universe for giving him this kid. 

******

Peter was standing in the kitchen, carefully slicing the hardboiled eggs in half before turning around and grabbing the toast as it popped up.

"Almost ready Mr.Stark!" He called as he squeezed the jelly on the toast, arranging it nicely on the plate before delivering it to his mentor.

Tony looked down, a smile flickering on his face as his eyes landed on the smiley faces Peter had drawn using the jelly. "It looks great cucciolo, thank you,"

"I hope you like them, cause I really don't know how to make much else,"

"Well, the fact that it’s not burned to a crisp proves you're already better in the kitchen than I am," Tony replied, moving a forkful of eggs to his lips, his eyes still on the screen in front of him.

Peter had just finished cleaning the kitchen when his head snapped up, hearing footsteps down the hallway. 

"Perfect timing- I was just looking over the data, if we're going to try to get the stones back we need to go soon- we can't leave them in his hands anyway, and if we get them back..." Tony said, using the table to help him stand, and Peter looked up to see Steve and Natasha walking into the room.

"You're right, we need to come up with some kind of a plan, but Tony- there's something you should know," Steve said, his voice somber in a way that made Peter's spider-sense quietly hum in the back of his mind. He laid the dish towel on the counter and walked over, coming to a stop at Tony's side.

"Did something happen in Wakanda? Did he let slip-"

"Not like that," Steve replied, sharing a look with Natasha, stepping back as he looked away, letting her take the lead.

"Pepper and Happy, they...they weren't dusted Tony," she said gently, and Peter felt his heart sink like lead.

"How...Nat, what're you..." 

"After you... _ left, _ New York was still in disarray- there needed to be immediate humanitarian aid, so Happy was driving Pepper into the city to organize the response from the Stark Relief Foundation and then...then Thanos snapped. The driver of an 18 wheeler was dusted, and the truck went out of control and-  _ they were killed on impact," _

"No-  _ no, _ that can't- Nat, please tell me this is some kind of trick," Tony pleaded, shaking his head almost as if he was in a daze.

"I'm not-  _ god Tony, _ you don't know how much I wish I was making this up," Nat replied, her own eyes shining with tears.

"Listen, I know what you're going through...I just looked over- and Buck-" Peter took a protective step in front of Tony, a cold glare directed at the captain, daring him to finish that sentence. Clearing his throat, Steve's eyes flickered to the ground before continuing. "We're having a memorial service for everyone we lost- as a way for the team to heal-"

"But all of you can get the people you love  _ back _ ," Tony spat. "You, and Nat- even the fucking racoon out there- all of  _ your people _ were taken by Thanos.  _ My fiancé, my friend? _ Gone. The end," His voice was so venomous it almost scared Peter, never hearing that tone from his mentor before.

Steve’s eyes narrowed, his jaw set in a hard line as he took a heavy step towards the pair.

Moving faster than Peter through was possible, Tony was stepping in front of him, shielding the teenager behind him.

"Get out!" He yelled, his voice echoing through the room. Steve put his hands up, backing away slowly, guilt in his eyes.

Natasha hung back, her face pinched with concern as Tony took a shaky step forward. Reaching up, he ripped the nano-reactor off his chest, pressing it into her hands. "Please, bring Rhodey back to me- please Nat," he said softly, voice thick with emotion.

Holding the arc reactor close, she gave a quick nod, and only lingered for a moment before following Steve out of the room.

Tony's knees buckled as soon as she had disappeared from view, and Peter surged forward, bracing Tony against his chest as he helped him back into the wheelchair. He tried to lean down and pull Tony into a hug, but the man brushed him off, turning his body back towards the holo-screen. 

“Just go to your room- I have to focus on this,” he said, his voice sounding hollow. 

“But- Mr. Stark-” 

_ “Go to your room Peter,”  _ he snapped, and Peter curled in on himself, fleeing the room before the tears could fall. 

************

Bruce wheeled Tony into the bedroom, stopping at the edge of the bed, giving his friend a soft pat on the shoulder before retreating back out to the hallway.

Tony felt his own self-hatred bubble up at the sight of Peter- all alone, practically burrowed into the blankets, desperately clutching a pillow to his chest- small sniffles being the only sound in the room.

He carefully moved to sit at the edge of the bed, the teenager not even noticing his presence. "Hey Roo," he said sadly, and Peter jolted, looking up at him with watery eyes. All Tony had to do was open his arms and Peter dropped the pillow immediately, hugging his mentor instead. His shoulders shook with loud, gasping sobs, and Tony held him close, carding a hand though his kid's hair. "Shh, it's ok now- it's ok," he soothed, gently rocking back and forth. "Let it out," Tony pressed a kiss against Peter's curls as the teenager's cries died down, gently leaning back to be able to look him in the eye. "Peter I- God I’m so sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you.  _ You just lost your only family too- _ and I was just so caught up in my own grief I forgot my number one priority- that's you," Peter opened his mouth to argue, but Tony shook his head. "Nope- no fighting me on this. I screwed up. It’s not right to make you deal with my grief on top of your own- And...I can't promise it's going to be perfect from here on out- but I can promise I am  _ never, ever _ leaving you to shoulder this on your own again," he said, as Peter leaned in, head resting against Tony's heart as he hugged him.

"Didn't lose my only family," Peter said softly, and this time, Tony's tears were accompanied by a warmth in his chest.

"Oh cuore mio," he said softly, pressing a kiss to Peter's forehead. "I love you so much,"  Those three words were rare, even to those who he was the closest to- Tony always finding it easier to speak through actions and leave the rest unsaid. But on Titan, as the Guardians had turned to dust, Tony stood there in fear- begging god not to take Peter before he got a chance to really tell him. 

"I love you too Mr. Stark," Peter said, throwing his arms back around Tony's neck. "I remember what it was like after Ben- God, I was such a jerk to May. My emotions were all over the place, and I was mad at myself so I took it out on her, and it wasn't fair- she was grieving too," he said into Tony's shoulder. "But May understood, and I do too ok? I just wish I could help more," 

Tony held Peter tighter- it never ceased to amaze him how Peter still had such a kind heart after everything he’s lived through.

"You're doing perfect already Roo- you've helped me so so much, I don't know what I would've done without you,"

******

A loud whoosh of air echoed throughout the compound, Peter leaping off the sofa as the Benatar landed with a clang on the grass outside. "They're back! Mr. Stark- they're back!" He shouted, grabbing the handles of the wheelchair and yanking Tony away from his place at the kitchen table.

"Easy cucciolo, easy," Tony said gently, as Peter wheeled him into the elevator as fast as he could without the chair tipping over. Peter shifted his weight between his feet anxiously as the elevator went downwards, leaping into action again as the doors finally swung open.

Steve was the first inside the lobby, the deep frown on his face making him look years older. Peter's sneakers squeaked against the tile as he stopped abruptly, his heart falling as the rest of the team filed into the building, looking equally somber.

A heavy look passed between Tony and Steve, and Peter was the only one who noticed his mentor's shoulders slump ever so slightly.

"Alright. Well- I guess that's that," Tony said, doing his best to keep his voice even and measured, catching Peter's eye and glancing behind him.

An oppressive silence settled over the group as Peter pushed Tony back towards the elevator, fulfilling his wordless request.

"Peter," Natasha called, extending the nano-reactor out towards him, and Peter walked back, gently taking it from her outstretched hand. He nodded in acknowledgement before darting back to Tony, the elevator doors closing a moment later.

******

_ The sheets in Tony’s bedroom still smelled like Pepper’s fabric softener.  _

_ Peter could barely look at the photographs that stood on his desk and bedside table, May’s smiling face looking out at him- but feeling too guilty to turn them down either. _

So that night they both ended up on the couch, Tony humming what he could remember of the songs his mother used to sing to him, as Peter laid on his chest, the teenager’s head resting right over his heart. Finally the anxious feeling that never seemed to stop pulsing through his veins had quieted, as he rested one hand on Peter's back- taking solace in watching it gently rise and fall.

******

After that Tony rarely let Peter out of his sight, terrified that if he looked away for too long the universe would realize it's oversight and take away the last bit of happiness it had left him.

He had moved Peter from R&D intern to his personal assistant- the position acting as a cover so he could have his kid close by without raising too many questions. Peter had no objections- he was as anxious about leaving Tony’s side as the man was to let him go. All high schools had shut down anyways, citing that students all over the world needed time to grieve, allowing Peter to spend his entire day following Tony between the compound and SI as needed.

Until Steve showed up.

Tony was in a board of executors meeting- something he couldn't let Peter sit in on, no matter how hard he tried to coerce the board- so Peter was sitting on a sofa at the end of the hallway, Facetiming Ned while he waited.

"Aren't you curious about what the meeting's about? Can't you like listen at the door or something?" His best friend asked, and Peter shrugged.

"It's nothing exciting really, Mr. Stark let me look through his paperwork before he went in. It's just stuff about profit margins and investors- not anything worth eavesdropping for," Peter's eyes drifted to the hallway in front of him- landing on a man in sunglasses and a ballcap, his body tensing once he realized who it was. "Uh Ned- I think I'm gonna have to call you back," 

"Hey there son," Steve said, coming to a stop at the edge of the sofa.

"Is that  _ Captain Amer-" _ Ned squealed before Peter jabbed the 'end call' button.

"You realize you're like the most recognizable face in the country right?" Peter said, gesturing to the hat and glasses.

Steve coughed awkwardly, but a small smile was on his lips. "Well, Natasha says it works,"

"I assume you're only here because Mr. Stark isn't," Peter said, cutting to the chase.

"We picked up some intel about someone infiltrating what's left of Shield, some high profile data was ripped off of the servers. Nobody seemed to know how he got in, but the working theory is that he used some kind of advanced tech to get in undetected,"

"Shouldn't this be something Mr. Stark should know about?"

"Tony...isn't in the right headspace to be going on missions right now,"

_ And I am? _

"So why are you telling me?"

"Look, I really didn't want to bring you into this- you're so young, and it's not fair to have to throw you back into the fight but...we got word that this guy is planning an attack on New York, and- well, we're a little short handed right now, so I came to ask if you'd be willing to help,"

"Alright," Peter said simply, and Steve seemed taken aback. "I've been overdue on patrol anyway, this'll be a good way to get back into the swing of things. Do we know when this guy's gonna strike?"

"Tentatively sometime next week, but Natasha will keep you updated when she gets more information," Steve explained. "And if you could-"

"Not tell Mr. Stark? I won't, don't worry," Peter cut him off. "Speaking of, his meeting ends in about three minutes so I'd leave now if you want to avoid getting caught,"

"You're a good kid Peter- Tony was right, you are going to be the best of all of us," Steve said, giving him a kind smile before striding back towards the staircase.

A minute later Tony stepped out of the conference room, his face lighting up once he'd spotted Peter, and the teenager smiled back- hoping the guilt didn't show on his face.

******

Peter was sprawled out on the couch in Tony's office, Return of the Jedi playing on the TV, when his phone vibrated, a message from an unlisted number popping up on the screen.

_ Manhattan Bridge. Hurry. _

Pushing down the way his heart started hammering in his chest, he yawned, stretching out on the couch before getting to his feet.

"Hey Mr.Stark? I'm just really tired all of a sudden, I'm gonna go lay down ok?"

Tony looked up from the paperwork spread out across his desk with a frown on his face, waving Peter over. "You feeling alright Roo?" He said gently, pressing the back of his hand against the teenager's forehead.

"Just tired, that's all. Wake me up for dinner ok?"

"Alright Petey, sweet dreams," Tony said warmly, and Peter walked out the door- thankful that the mission just happened to coincide with one of the days they were working out of the newly repurchased Stark Tower.

Peter ran up to his room and opened the door to the nano-housing container, the Iron Spider suit forming around his body.

"Don't tell Mr. Stark I've left, ok Friday?" He asked, hovering by the open window.

"I am required to inform boss any time you leave for patrol," Friday replied, and Peter groaned.

"Come on Friday- it's not  _ just _ patrol, Steve and Natasha need my help, people are going to get hurt, I have to stop it," he pleaded, "I'll be right back, I promise- Mr. Stark has a meeting until late right? He won't even know I'm gone,"

_ "Be careful,"  _ Friday finally conceded, and she had barely finished the sentence before Peter was jumping off of the window sill, shooting a web towards the adjacent building.

******

"We need to be putting more funding into the Stark relief foundation," Tony said firmly, the group of investors crowding around him as they stepped out of the conference room.

"But Mr. Stark, we're not in a place to move around funding-" one of the men argued, clamping his mouth shut as Tony shot him a glare.

"I don't care about profit margins- half of all life on Earth was just blinked out of existence, it is our  _ job _ to help rebuild.  _ That's _ our priority,"

The floor was oddly quiet, and Tony looked around to see everyone huddled around the TV in the waiting area.

"We are live from the Manhattan bridge where we've just caught a glimpse of Queen's very own Spider-Man, who many citizens feared has been among the dusted due to his nearly three month hiatus- but he's now back in action and helping to mitigate the threat," The reporter's voice carried through the silence, and Tony's blood ran cold.

_ No. _

"Excuse me," he murmured to the man standing next to him, leaving the group behind as he stumbled towards the TV, leaning heavily on the back of a lounge chair.

The bridge was in chaos- dust and debris swirling through the air, as people sprinted for safety, their terrified screams being picked up on the microphones stationed at the other side of the structure. The camera panned up to the monster towering over it all, tendrils of smoke coming off of its body as it let out a deafening roar.

And right in the middle of it all was Peter, swinging off the cables, picking up civilians and carrying them to safety, darting around the swipes of the creature's hand. Tony shook his head back and forth in a daze, as the camera cut to a shot of Steve, holding his shield over two women, saving them from being crushed by a chunk of concrete.

"Most of the attacks from Captain America and Black Widow thus far have been unsuccessful- as the smoke like nature of the monster's body seemingly absorbs all weapons, so it seems that the priority has shifted to rescue- all three heroes working to get whoever remains on the bridge to safety,"

The creature brought its hand up to the sky before punching downwards, the shockwave sending Peter flying- his body slamming against the metal railing. Tony's heart lurched as he stumbled back a few steps, frantically grabbing at his earpiece.

"Friday- I need a suit-  _ now," _ he said sharply, as Peter slowly got to his feet, hands clutching at his side.

"You haven't been cleared for combat boss," Friday said, and Tony let out a frustrated yell.

"I don't- I don't care about me, Peter's out there- I can't let him get hurt, I can't-" he insisted, his breathing shallow and panicked.

"I’m sorry boss- I’m afraid I cannot authorize the deployment of a suit until you have been deemed fit,"

"No- no no- Friday, Fri-  _ please, _ I have to go, I have to make sure he's safe-" The words died in his throat as a cry of surprise sounded from the reporter, his eyes snapping up in fear.

"It seems that Spider-Man has just went  _ through _ the monster- none of our cameras have an eye on him- and now it seems that Captain America has changed his attack strategy- clearly this monster isn't as transparent as we assumed, his shield is ricocheting off  _ something-" _

A moment later, a hole opened up in the monster's chest, the edges glowing blue as it expanded, revealing a wall of drones on the inside- and Tony braced himself against the wall, a choked exhale leaving his lungs.

_ That was his tech- that was B.A.R.F- how did somebody get- _

A jolt of electricity went through the monster, the resulting explosion almost blinding. When the camera panned up, the sky was empty, as if the monster never existed in the first place. 

The reporter’s horrified scream cut through the silence, the camera zooming in to a spot above the horizon.

Peter was falling, his entire body limp and unmoving- making no attempt to stop himself before hitting the pavement, his body slightly bouncing off the ground before coming to a stop against a piece of rubble. 

A few office workers cried out in surprise as Tony collapsed, falling to his knees- his eyes never leaving the television.

_ "Spider-Man is down- he looks to be unresponsive-" _

Tears ran down Tony's cheeks, broken sobs muffled by his hand that was pressed tightly against his mouth.

Peter still wasn't moving.

_ No- no no no please- please, not Peter- _

"Captain America is attempting to give CPR..."

Tony was oblivious to the world around him, barely feeling the hands on his shoulders as he watched Steve try to restart Peter's heart.

_ Please don't take him from me- please, I can't lose him. _

"Fri- vitals," Tony choked out, eyes fixated on the holo-screen that hovered over his watch, and the flat line that sat directly in the center- a scream of agony tearing out of his throat as the display remained unchanged.

_ It's all my fault- it was my tech- god Peter I'm sorry, I'm so sorry- _

He looked back up at the TV- the EMT's had taken over, but Steve was still at Peter's side, holding the teenager's hand tightly in his own. The nanoparticles had completely retracted, leaving Peter's face on full display- Tony nearly heaving at the sight of his kid's skin so pale and lifeless.

_ Please- please come back please I don't know what I'll do without you- _

The EMT pressed a defibrillator against Peter's chest, and Tony watched his vitals jump up before falling again.

_ Come on- come on Peter, you can do it- please cuore mio, please _

When the line jumped up again- this time it stayed, and Tony nearly passed out, his head swimming with relief.

In an instant the EMT's had Peter on a stretcher, loading him onto the ambulance with Steve jumping in right behind.

Tony got to his feet, his legs wobbling for a moment before he sprinted towards the med bay, ignoring the chorus of voices behind him.  _ "Helen!" _ He screamed, his voice raw and cracked, and the woman sprinted around the corner, grabbing him by the shoulders.

"I know Tony- Steve radioed my team, I've got everything prepared for when he gets here- it'll be alright, I promise," she said calmly, her heart breaking at the pure terror in Tony’s eyes.

"Please Helen, don't let anything happen to him- I can't- I won't-" 

The med bay doors burst open, the wheels of the gurney screeching against the tile floor, and Tony was lurching forward, only to feel hands on his chest, stopping him from getting any closer. "Please- please, that's my kid- I need to-" he pleaded, and the hands finally fell away.

Peter was never still. It didn’t matter if he was sitting at the kitchen table doing homework, or standing on one of the gum mats, waiting for Rhodey to set up the training equipment- even when Tony could see the sharp outlines of his bones jutting against his skin- Peter was always moving, or talking, or laughing, filled with a boundless energy that Tony never understood, but one that he loved with every fiber of his being.

Seeing it up close was worse. Seeing his kid  _ so still- so pale _ that if Tony still didn't have his vitals pulled up you'd swear he was-

"You're going to be alright Roo- I'm right here Peter I promise," Tony assured, running behind the EMT's as they wheeled his kid down the hallway. "I love you so much, so so much- and I'll be right here when you wake up ok?" Tony stopped at the threshold of the operating room, a nurse shutting the door behind her.

Wiping the tears from his eyes he slowly made his way back out to the lobby, the steady pulse of Peter's vitals on his watch the only thing keeping him upright and sane.

Steve was standing in the center of the room, his eyes lifting as Tony approached.

Before the man could even open his mouth, he felt a fist collide with his jaw with such force that it sent him stumbling backwards.  _ "How could you," _ Tony said, his voice soft but filled with such venom it sent shivers down Steve's spine.

"Tony- we needed help, you know how few heroes are left," Steve argued firmly, "I gave him the choice,"

_ "You know who he is! _ You know he'd never refuse you- not when people's lives are on the line. There wasn't any choice at all, not to Peter," he spat, his breaths heaving with fury. "Losing my fiance and my two best friends wasn't enough for you, huh? So you decided you had to take my kid from me too?" 

_ "Oh come on- _ that's not true and you know it,"

"You know what Rogers? I'm done. Retired. Indefinitely. And if Peter  _ lives through this, _ we'll talk about Spider-Man, but he is  _ done _ with Avengers business- do you understand me? You can have the compound- make a new team, do whatever the hell you want with it- but if you  _ ever _ come within a hundred feet of Peter again  _ I will make you regret it," _

Steve was stunned into silence- but he hadn’t been away for so long that he’d forgotten the look that signified Tony had completely made up his mind. So he turned on his heel and walked back out the med bay doors without another word.

******

Peter groaned as he slowly opened his eyes, the familiar stabbing pain radiating in his temples.

_ "Peter?" _

He turned his head to see Tony sitting at the side of the bed- realizing how sad it was that this felt so  _ normal. _

"Hey Mr. Stark," Peter murmured, expecting the man to wrap him up in a hug as usual. Instead, Tony stood up, clutching tightly at his left wrist- something he only did when he was upset. "What- what happened?" He said softly, knowing it had to be something big for Tony to be so worked up.

"Your heart stopped. That's what happened." Tony said, his words knocking the air out of Peter's chest. "Yeah, apparently when you decided to short circuit a swarm of drones  _ while you were still inside, _ you accidentally touched one of them on the way down. The current stopped your heart instantly. And then I- I had to watch as  _ my kid _ fell fifty feet and hit the ground like a ragdoll,"

"I-I’m sorry Mr. Stark- I didn't think-"

"That's right-  _ you didn't think! _ Jesus Christ Peter do you have any idea what that felt like? To have to watch them restart your heart while I was miles away with no way to get to you?" Tony raked a hand through his hair, his tone bordering on hysterical. "Ever since Titan- I've been  _ terrified _ that one day I'm going to wake up, and find that the universe finally caught on to the fact that I don't deserve you- and it's going to take you away.  _ God, _ I can barely let you put off my sight- I ask Friday for your vitals a million times a day because I'm so scared that one of these times I'm going to look over at you and just see a pile of dust. That three minutes I was looking at a flat line where your heartbeat was supposed to be? I knew my life was over. If you died-" Tony’s voice trembled, barely able to force the words out. "I can't lose you too Peter- I can't," Taking a shaky step forward, Tony sat down at the edge of the hospital bed, the frightened anger draining out of him as he gathered his kid in his arms. "You're my whole world Peter, I can't lose you-"

" _ You won't _ \- you won't Dad, I promise," The word that's been sitting on the edge of his tongue for months finally rushing forth.

With those words Tony finally broke, tears streaming down his face as he pressed gentle kisses against his son's curls. " _ Cuore mio- _ I love you so much, so so much," he said softly- thankful beyond words that he got to hold his kid again.

"I love you too Mr. Stark," Peter replied, his face turning red as he prayed that the man missed his earlier slip up. 

"Uh uh- we are  _ never _ going back to Mr. Stark-  _ never _ , you got me? You broke the seal Roo, deal with it,"

Peter's face lit up as he giggled, and it was the best sound Tony had ever heard.

****** 

"Dad! Watch this!"

Tony looked up from his place on the porch as Peter took a running leap at the tire swing, going as high as he could in the air before somersaulting into the lake below.

"Be careful cucciolo," Tony called as Peter's head popped up out of the water, a big grin on his face.

"I'm always careful!" Tony's silence spoke volumes. "I'm  _ mostly _ careful," Peter amended, starting to swim back towards the shore.

"Don't think I forgot about the time you nearly face planted in the driveway because you wanted to see if you could jump off the roof and use your webs to swing from the trees,"

"Hey- I apologized for that like a hundred times," Peter argued, as Tony lightly tossed the beach towel at his head.

"Alright Roo, dry yourself off- soup's on,"

Tony's cooking had really improved since they moved out to the cabin- a talent born from necessity as the move subsequently put them about three hours out from all their favorite takeout places.

They had both needed a fresh start, so Tony purchased the little wooden building at the edge of the lake, spending the better part of two months renovating it with Peter.

Four beds of flowers surrounded the big tree in the backyard, one to honor each of the people they'd lost- and it became a morning routine to go out and water the flowers, Tony always resting an arm around Peter's shoulders as they stood in silent remembrance.

There were still some difficult days- and Tony knew there always would be, but he never once doubted that everything was going to turn out ok.

And as they reached the end of the summer, Peter's laughs echoing across the living room, Tony leaned back against the doorframe, a smile on his face.

_ Yeah. They were gonna be alright. _

**Author's Note:**

> I've always been interested in what would've happened if Tony and Peter, two people who have experienced a significant amount of loss even before the snap, came back to find the rest of their family gone- so I here we are lol (Also just as an aside, I hope I didn't make Steve out to be mean, that wasn't my intention! It was just a tough situation all around- and plus I needed someone Tony could realistically lash out to cause he's scared lol) And I hope it was clear that the "monster" on the bridge was created by Mysterio- this story was already getting kind of long so I didn't want to get too much into it, but in this story he took advantage of Tony being in space and Pepper's untimely death to slip in amidst all the chaos and take the BARF tech. 
> 
> I enjoyed writing this one, and I hope you guys enjoyed reading it! :) We're sticking with the angst for tomorrow's story too, so stay tuned! 
> 
> And always feel free to come say hi on my tumblr if you want to!


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